All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
