I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
