i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize