My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
