I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
