recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
only you would photoshop your dick
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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