She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
