How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
