Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
