and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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