U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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