We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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