we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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