All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
What did we do last night that was yellow?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
