I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
In the future we'll all be gay
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i think i have two assholes
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Randomize
