i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
