I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
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He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
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Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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