it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
