we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
