so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Someone signed my nipple.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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