very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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