I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
