he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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