Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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