checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
