normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize