So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
