obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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