Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
