Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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