when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
