Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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