Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
