Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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