I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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