The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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