My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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