if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
