I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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