Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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