I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Let's get the cat blown out
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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