Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
ttyl tear gas
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
