i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
