we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
