I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
