It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
