Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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