The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
