wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize