I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
they need to just BURY HIM!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
