Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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