Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
wow bdsm is so cute
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
