I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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