This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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