could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
