Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
