He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
