I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
