I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
