On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
