i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
