I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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