Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize