He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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