i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
