OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
porn star boner night. come get it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
