Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
3pm strippers are depressing
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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