stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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