why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
