I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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